Midlands Movies Worst Films of 2022
Midlands Movies Worst Films of 2022
Well, it’s getting harder and harder to choose the worst (or my least favourite) films of the year as over the last 4 years or so I’ve been avoiding the truly horrible flicks, the things I have no interest in and anything with super-low scores on Rotten Tomatoes or generally negative critic responses. (This year, I’m talking to you, Morbius!)
So, I suspect in future this annual summary will be renamed “most disappointing films of the year” as I always go into every film I watch with an open mind, hoping each movie will be a great experience.
A few of these flicks therefore are probably not the worst of the worst (life’s too short for those I reckon) but each one had aspects I felt were a huge drawback. Although there's the obvious frustrations that come with being let down by high expectations, there still a fair few that simply were badly made abominations.
I’m reluctant to spend too long dissecting each of these failures but every one of them comes with a word of caution if you bravely undertake a watch. But with franchise failures, art-house duds and cash-in crappers, let’s begin taking a look at the worst films I’ve seen in 2022.
So, given the above, we start with something that wasn’t truly awful but was so much less than the sum of its quality parts. The Good Nurse was a muddled thriller wanting to expose institutional failings in the USA health service whilst also being an intriguing suspense movie. But sadly, it failed at truly being either and not even the dependable Jessica Chastain & Eddie Redmayne could save it from fluffing its terrifying true-life story.
Up next, the slow-moving Memoria was not my tempo at all. Its sparse story and glacial pace made it nigh on impossible to engage and was as "exciting" as watching someone mixing EQ curves in Pro Tools, which at one point actually happens. The unexpected ending did have me crying with laughter though.
Big Bug saw Amelie's Jean-Pierre Jeunet swapping retro whimsy for a wacky future where rogue robots prevent a group of folk leaving their home. Sadly, great production design couldn’t cover the cracks in character development and the croaky comedy almost always missed its mark.
The loveable and usually very funny Chris Hemsworth starred in Spiderhead which turned out to be the smuggest film since Don't Look Up. It contained misfiring Black Mirror-style twists and turns, but ended up empty and dull with its conflicting tones akin to taking a mouthful of depressants.
I Came By had Hugh “Downton Abbey” Bonneville playing against type as a villain, yet despite a few tense scenes, huge frustrations came from an awful story structure, neglected plot points and nonsensical time-jumps. With that in mind, I recommend you don't stop by.
Thor Love and Thunder saw Marvel lose its grip on one of its iconic characters, a director fuelled by his own (misguided) belief in his comedy writing skills and more-than-decent actors wading through boring superhero treacle. This resulted in a film weighed down by Mjölnir-levels of unfunny and snarky “comedy”. A thunderous mess. Click for full review
Each moment of Scream (or Scream 5 I guess) made the original slasher look better and better in comparison. The outcome now means the whole franchise has joined Halloween, Saw, Paranormal Activity, Final Destination and many more, as one good film and a plethora of forgetful follow ups. Here, it’s like someone took the clips of the badly made film-in-a-film “Stab” in Scream 2, and simply finished making that film. Click for full review
Another needless Naomi Watts remake of a foreign horror came courtesy of the dark thriller Goodnight Mommy. As these things often go, the remake brings nothing new to the Austrian original and even shaves off its harsher and more gruesome edges. In fairness, the original also fell flat as soon as you guessed its twist and it’s the same here – it gives very little reason to keep watching.
Deep Water starred Ben Affleck as a man who allows his wife to have affairs in order to avoid a divorce but becomes a prime suspect in the disappearance of her lovers. It tries to be Gone Girl or Fatal Attraction but is a boilerplate “thriller” with some hilarious moments. I doubt that was intentional.
Moonfall saw the final nail in the coffin for Roland Emmerich’s big budget disaster movies. With a budget of nearly $150 million, it somehow looked worse than an Asylum film (makers of such quality fare like Sharknado) and the characters are so flimsy they could blow away in the breeze. Yet despite flopping with a $60 million box office, it seems that is no barrier anymore as Emmerich now talks of two (!) sequels. Eurgh.
A bonus baddie to finish on, Rogue Agent is an attempted dramatic retelling of a far superior Netflix documentary that tells the real-life story of a man pretending to be a spy and controlling and kidnapping vulnerable women. Gemma Arterton and James Norton deliver two spectacularly inept performances, and it has a picture quality even ITV2 would have doubts about airing.
Honourable mentions should go to Blonde, All the Old Knives, Love and Gelato and the mess that was 3000 Years of Longing that seemed to be the strange offspring of Aladdin, 300, The Love Guru, Snowpiercer, The Fall and Michael Jackson's Remember the Time video.
Those films in full:
- The Good Nurse
- Memoria
- Big Bug
- Spiderhead
- I Came By
- Thor Love and Thunder
- Scream
- Goodnight Mommy
- Deep Water
- Moonfall
- Rogue Agent
Michael Sales
